The Catcher in the Rye

I've always been a little behind with things- I tend to buy those amazing Winter boots a season late or pick up a new phone a few months after everyone else. And at the age of 27 I have astonishingly only just read the JD Salinger classic The Catcher in the Rye- and I adored it. You would have to be, in my opinion, from another planet to not immediately appreciate the standard of writing, story telling and ability to create such a timeless piece of literature- even if the book was not to your taste.

The character of Holden Caulfield is such a complex product of teenage angst, insecurities and emotion and it's no surprise he goes down as one of the most interesting and diverse fictional characters in literature history. Salinger takes you into the mind of Caulfield by writing from his point of view in such a way that you are taken on a journey of experiences, no matter how small and insignificant however that give you such a pure insight into his troubled, confused and quite sad state of mind. Through characters such as Phoebe, Caulfield's younger sister, we catch a glimpse of his longing to be young and childlike again and free from adult emotions and problems and being surrounded by 'phonies' - yet by living quite an adult life admist the underworld of New York City. He remains unable to be satisfied by daily life and is searching for fulfillment and security that we never see him find. The paradox is that he admits to Phoebe that what he wants is to be the 'Catcher in the rye' saving children from falling off the cliff, perhaps into adulthood - something he is resisting. He sees Phoebe's innocence and is envious of it but has a strong instinct to protect her from 'phonies' and the outside world- when in fact she is the one helping him and ultimately helps him seek medical help in a psychiatric ward.

What struck me from the onset of reading this was how incredibly timeless it is- the book was written in 1951 and I had to keep reminding myself of this as I was constantly taken into the modern world through Salinger's descriptions of city life, human emotions and situations- it's no wonder the book and character Holden Caulfield still, today, receives so much critical acclaim and has been an inspiration to so many.

I Cake You- Take 2

You may have seen my previous blogpost on Bedford-based cake company I Cake You (clue- Chanel handbag- amazing). We recently commissioned the very talented face of the company Helene Turner to bake a creation for my boyfriend's sister's 14th birthday. What better than a cake of her beloved dog, Jacko. Have a look at the result- incredible. For more information on I Cake You check them out at www.icakeyou.co.uk

Dublin

I am lucky in that I am fairly well travelled. But it’s amazing how many amazing cities are on my doorstep that I am yet to discover. Until this weekend, Dublin was one of them. Surprising as Ireland plays an important part in my family history. My Grandpa was born and grew up in Cork. He was one of five and the only one to go on to study at University- to this day he is still the youngest graduate in Classics (Latin and Greek) through the medium of Irish. He then went on to do a second degree in Civil Engineering and later in life became a fellow of both Civil and Structural Engineers. However, as quoted at his funeral from the famous Rudyard Kipling, ‘he walked with Kings but never lost the common touch,’ and that was exactly how my Grandpa was – incredibly intelligent and incredibly humble. I often put that down to his Irishness- perhaps.

Anyway, back to Dublin, I was amazed at how the Irish capital that I had never even been to was only a 55 minute flight away. Amazing how at under an hour you can be in such a different place. It may not look that different but it certainly felt different and in a good way. Used to the hustle and bustle and lack of real communication with passers-by in London, I enjoyed the small-town friendliness of this capital city. Described as a city with one foot in the past and one foot in the future you can really get a sense of this. Walking down the busy and cosmopolitan O'Connell Street passing coffee shops and fashion stores and suddenly passing the old Post Office where you can still see the bullet holes from the 1916 Easter Uprising. Astonishing. Knowing that as you wander over the river running to beat the cars you are travelling the same routes that the likes of Michael Collins and De Velera must have taken at some point- probably by bike. 

Getting a bus to the historical Kilmainham Gaol we jumped on quickly thinking it would be in a hurry to leave. Instead, the bus driver took his time to explain that owing to the traffic of that day’s Dublin marathon (that my dad was taking part in) we would be unable to get off right outside. He told us he’d drop us as near as possible and smiled and waved off the fact we didn’t have enough change. True to his word, he ensured he told us where to get off and then spent more time explaining again how to get there and where to get the bus back. What a different world. The gaol itself was absolutely fascinating. From its opening in 1796 to its closure in 1924, it is a place of immense history, on both the nature and running of the prison and the fact it was the place of execution for many of the Irish rebellions during the resistance. I was moved by the tour guide’s wonderful commentary- a girl in her twenties that gave the impression she was speaking through parents, grandparents and great-grandparents who had taught her the history of her country and the struggles it had endured. She had such passion that someone of this generation would be allowed to have in talking about the history she has undoubtedly been affected by, however indirectly it may be.

Our hotel was situated right in the centre close to Trinity College. The marathon started and ended in the centre too, which was a nice touch as the runners were sent off and welcomed home with immense support. True to the Irish nature, one supportive banner read ‘Run as if you’re late for mass!’ We also ventured into the infamous Temple Bar district and spent the evening in a bar where, to the Irish, your typical band was playing. To me, they were a far cry from the local bands you may see in town. Their musical ability was phenomenal and we enjoyed the sounds of not just guitars but Irish bagpipes, fiddle and penny whistle. The crowd was so varied as well- the marathon maybe contributing to this and the fact people from 51 different countries took part. Dad completed it in 4 hours and 27 minutes- pretty impressive effort if you ask me.

What made the trip even more special was the fact I met again with three of my closest friends from University (one of them was running the marathon as well and so we all made a trip out of it). It’s amazing as how you get older you really start to appreciate those who you are closest to and realise that it’s these people who truly know you. You surround yourself with people everyday but it’s rare you make connections like you do with your best friends and it’s a nice feeling when you meet up again and can really be yourself without a worry in the world.

And so my experience of Dublin was a good one. I hope yours is.   

Gaining and losing the pounds.

 My task is to save money and lose weight. Both are going to be tough.

I don’t really need to lose much weight which is a plus- I’ve recently been eating out a lot and this has mostly been junk food combined with alcohol and so the jeans have become tighter and I swear I’ve grown another chin. The diet/ exercise regime has so far been going quite well- however I am only on day 3. I’ve never been able to stick to these projects. However, I am running regularly, doing yoga and I have been stocking up on fresh fruit and vegetables, lessening my portion size and generally being much more healthy. And boy do I feel it. Even running feels easier after three days of eating better- you truly are what you eat. Don’t get me wrong, I will enjoy some drinks this weekend and inevitably a slice of pizza or curry may pass my lips but I am not going to stop myself enjoying the things I like- I simply won’t eat them every day!

On the money side, I am becoming increasingly aware that in 39 days I am moving into a flat and will be paying rent and bills again. I have re-discovered my passion for Ebay although it is a learning curve since I got the postage confused and now I think am at a loss after selling 15 or so DVDs. (Typical Kate). But I am reducing my ‘eating out’ days which costs money AND is not as healthy and so does not help with the diet. Unfortunately, my social calendar seems to revolve around ‘meeting for dinner’ but this will simply have to change- what’s wrong with the old fashioned cuppa and a natter? I am going to learn to cook economically and perhaps even ‘freeze’ things?! I actually purchased a slow cooker the other day- before you think it was a wreckless expenditure (I do have a reputation for being Becky Bloomwood from the Shopaholic book series after discovering one day I had £60 left in my account and got excited because it meant I could buy the £59.99 dress that I saw), I have discovered that this is a good way of preparing meals that are not too expensive AND you can freeze the remainder. M & S delights may have to go on the back burner along with nipping to the garage for a sandwich. I’m not abandoning my weekly Look magazine indulgence although buying things I see in it perhaps is not a good idea. I still like to circle the things I like each week though whilst having a glass of wine. Eek mid-week wine has been scrapped... I’ll let that ONE slide.

Moving in...with a boy

I’ve lived with guys before- in fact only up until recently I was living with two great guys in a shared house in Cambridge. Funnily enough and contrary to stereotypical assumptions, I was the messy and disorganised one and they kept me in line. I was regularly shot the disapproving look when I had to ring the doorbell because I had forgotten my key, or because I had left all my crap downstairs around the living room and just not bothered to take it upstairs! (It really was home from home). I quite enjoyed that though, they were very tidy and respectful (apart from when the football was on) and we had a great couple of years. They both remain very important to me.

However, I’m about to move in with a boy properly and it is a little daunting. We have only been together 9 months which isn’t very long at all and it is more circumstantial that it is happening but we are very excited. We’ve popped our ‘sensible hats’ on and are moving in to an inexpensive but lovely fully furnished house within walking distance of my parents and 2 miles of his and so should we need that ‘time out’ we have it available. (Sorry mum and dad). Therefore we don’t need to invest in any furniture which already eases the stress financially and mentally. But still it WILL be stressful because we are going to be learning more and more about each other... he will learn (although he probably already knows as he calls me a sloth) that I can be quite lazy and since I work from home I can roll out of bed at around 8.45am and work in my pyjamas until late morning. However, this can mean that at 11pm I’m wide awake saying ‘Let’s watch a film!’ and he’s covering his face with a pillow. We are also learning about each other’s tastes... he wants to get a metal bust of someone’s face (he doesn’t know who yet) whereas I am dreaming of scented candles and big cushions that everyone can laze around on (sloth side again) and relax. He is sensible with money and knows we don’t need many luxuries to start with but I’m on first name basis with the man at Sky looking for deals so we can have a Sky + box and record loads of programmes just because we can! Cleanliness is going to be interesting- we’re both moving out of parents houses where I will admit we are BOTH spoilt. We both pay the bare minimum and get our washing and cooking done (he also still gets his room tidied but he’s a little younger so I’ll give him that). We’ve both lived away- I was at Uni for four years, I’ve been travelling and I lived in Cambridge for two years and so I can adapt quite easily but it’s different with a partner- you can perhaps get away with more...or can you?

Does anyone have any tips? One of my close friends said to expect loose coins to be EVERYWHERE. Definitely a guy thing. Why do they do that? Another said that they panic if they feel they are losing their ‘identity’ – I guess a football placed by the door will help? I’ve definitely realised that ‘presentation’ is quite important to me and less important to him. ‘Who cares if that doesn’t match?’ ‘Hmmm I do.’ It’s interesting because you pick up habits from your parents and their style and we are now having to join these whilst building our own style together as a couple and finding out what we both jointly like. Watch.this.space.

Three Times a Bridesmaid...

If you ask the regular person in the street to explain why marriage is important, you would probably be shocked as to what you hear. Or perhaps you won’t. I have tried it with various people, usually those in their 20s who are contemplating the decision. In my experience, people tend to say it is something they would like to do because it is traditional, because they get to become husband and wife (or life partners) in front of friends and family and that they receive lots of presents (usually said with a giggle but this is no joke.) There is never really talk about entering a life-long union through better or worse and that although life will inevitably throw them challenges, together they will work at getting through them. Although maybe they can be forgiven for not thinking this as perhaps marriage is not what it used to be.

My views on marriage are quite blurred. I have never really been someone who has dreamt of their perfect wedding and pictured the white dress and hundreds of guests (apart from whilst watching Father of the Bride or a similar Hollywood take on the perfect day), however I have always known that I want to eventually meet the right person and join with them through marriage in the traditional way. Perhaps this is because my parents married yet in a low key and personal ceremony, perhaps it’s because part of me likes the idea of following the traditional route of falling in love, joining together and starting a family with the intention of it being for life. However, whether it is owing to my upbringing, I have always seen marriage as a deeply personal experience but one that should be understated and based around your identity as people and as a couple. It is a union that should be celebrated for the right reasons with a view that this will be for life. Archaic as it sounds and although I am not religious, I feel in recent times, marriage has lost the respect it deserves, it’s traditional, social and often religious meaning and young people are not educated appropriately on the decision or the act. I also strongly feel that it has become a declaration of status for quite superficial reasons and a day that is now organised by the woman which has become widely accepted.

However, this blog is now going to turn into a celebration of three friends who have taken the step into marriage and honoured me by asking me to be a part of a very special day- something I am truly thankful for.

On July 30th this year I was bridesmaid for the third year in a row and I came away feeling it was one of the nicest weddings I had been to-I have known the bride for almost 25 years and the couple had been together for over 10 years. The day had that lovely feel where you knew it was a milestone in their strong relationship and a union  we were able to witness that we knew meant everything but would not change a thing between them. It took place in a gorgeous renovated barn in a top hotel and the whole day was relaxed and enjoyable with a fantastic range of guests and friends.

The second time I was bridesmaid was for a newer but very close friend who I see regularly and love her company. I also get on very well with her husband and find them both a great couple. This wedding was probably the longest for planning but it paid off as the day ran smoothly and was a testament to the work put in by the families and couple. It was also nice to see the results of many months of excitement by the bride and she looked beautiful. It even incorporated the first England game in the 2010 World Cup which worried them first but added a fun element to the day as guests were able to wander outside in the Sun and catch moments on the widescreen television in the lovely courtyard!  Once again, I was blessed with sharing bridesmaid duties with another two lovely girls and the ceremony and reception really brought two sets of families and friends together. They are now expecting their first child and are very excited.

The first time I was bridesmaid it was for a close school friend who had asked me because I meant a lot to her and we talked and celebrated at length about the decision and the prospect. She was completely in love with her husband-to-be and she made the decision about the kind of wedding she wanted to have. She then planned and saved and paid for the day and it was special and romantic. I was present for a dress fitting and had my hair and make-up done on the day and we all drank champagne and reminisced before the ceremony. They also had a new-born son who was able to be part of the day and it felt like we were at the start of something very special and a union that would last a lifetime. Unlike the other weddings I have been a bridesmaid for, this one had most of my close school friends in attendance and so it was a great excuse for us all to have a good day together again. The couple sacrificed a honeymoon for logistical and financial reasons but have now moved to Brunei for 3 years and are going to make the most of their adventure on the other side of the world.

My friends know my views on marriage and although I like to pretend it’s not for me, perhaps I have been converted? Whether I spend thousands of pounds or simply have a low-key party, I just hope I achieve the sense of specialness and happiness that I have witnessed with my three friends.

Have Buckley's chance

I just saw Neighbours and I smiled at a saying in it which relates to my ancestry. A man was in hospital and was told his cancer had spread and he said 'my chances of survival are Buckleys to none." This is an Aussie saying - to "have Buckley's chance" or "to have two chances, Buckley's or none" refers to an escaped convict called Buckley who survived in the outback for 30 years after being rescued by Aboriginals. It was considered impossible for convicts in Australia to survive in the outback-hence the saying.

There is another which goes 'couldn't give a Buckleys' translating to 'couldn't care less.' This is believed to have come from the large number of Buckleys that were sent over to Australia.

My Grandpa was called Edward Buckley and was born and grew up in Cork, Ireland. It is a common surname among the counties Cork and Tipperary and the Gaelic meaning of the name is taken from the word buachall meaning "boy".

Amy Winehouse and the galloping 'high horse'

I am not attempting to write a piece on 'poor Amy Winehouse' but I am sad for the death of a talented and tormented young 27 year old and find the rise in patronising, moralistic opinion pieces on how we should not feel sorry for someone who brought such a demise on herself quite sickening. An article I was today sent by the Australian Mail journalist Amanda Platell made me feel quite lucky I do not share the views of a Conservative right-wing person who gets a sense of superiority and empowerment by mocking and judging the actions of another in circumstances so unimaginable to most they are hard to even believe. Her reckless and insulting journalist-style that saw her take the feelings of a personal friend of Amy’s who quoted ‘she never did anyone any harm’ to produce an article that lays blame to the rise in female alcohol consumption and public disorder simply highlights the lack of intelligence this woman has in being able to understand the excruciating frustration of drug addiction and fatal consequences. Her complete inability to see the irony of fans leaving behind bottles of vodka with flowers outside Amy’s London flat instead saw snobby comments on the legacy of alcoholics and future drug-addicts Amy had created and was leaving behind. The moral high-ground can be a nice place for some and very comforting.

However, let’s not forget that Amy Winehouse did not choose to become a drug addict and lose her life at 27, even if the addiction helped see her produce one of the best albums of the last two decades which is likely to see sales match those it previously enjoyed when it was first released.

I learnt of the death of Amy Winehouse whilst on a hen do last weekend and was still getting to grips with the horror unfolding in Norway and the monster Anders Breivik shooting dead nearly 70 people in a bid to make a stand against Islamic culture spreading in Europe. However, in a strange way I was more shocked about Amy. When disastrous world events occur you feel a sense of disbelief but, unless directly or inadvertently affected it is inevitable that you feel desensitised by the event. In a way, you can't put yourself in a situation where , for example, a gunman appears out of the blue dressed as a policeman and lures you into a false sense of security before shooting you dead, and therefore cannot comprehend it. It is something you may see in a film or on a television programme as the concept is so sinister and shocking it simply could not happen in real life.

However, in the case of Amy Whitehouse, the surprise was more on how unsurprising it was. She died from what is most probably a drug overdose and we have witnessed her tragic demise and destructive relationship with drugs for years now. For a time, Amy dominated the newspapers and magazines with stories focused on her weight loss, her social life, her drug habits, her friends, her love affairs, etc, and she became a celebrity known for her erratic and anti-social behaviour rather than her music- which to be fair was more interesting to journalists and the public as we were witnessing directly a drug-addict living their life in full view doing things that were always shocking. The photo of her blood-stained ballet pumps where she injected herself with heroin was so visually horrifying it captured the media worldwide. Not many of us will know a real drug-addict like Amy and her lifestyle had a real star-quality about it because most of us could not imagine living such a life. Does that make it desirable? Not at all. We loved to revel in our own superiority led by the newspapers. But once again, we became desensitised to it- you could have had pictures of Amy on the front cover of the Metro weighing 6 stone and stumbling out of a pub and it would not have phased most readers commuting to work as they had seen it so many times before. #

But now the reality has hit- she has died from this drug addiction and alcohol abuse and no-one could do anything about it.  No longer can we pity her as she's dead. She had all the money and resources in the world and could not beat an addiction so powerful it robbed her of a life for nearly a decade before taking her away altogether. Russell Brand wrote a widely publicised blog on his friendship with Amy and his sympathies after suffering with a public addiction to drink and drugs. However, as someone who can write with authority, unlike Amanda Platell, he is able to put into context the truth about what we have seen. "Whether this tragedy was preventable or not is now irrelevant. It is not preventable today," Brand writes. "We have lost a beautiful and talented woman to this disease. Not all addicts have Amy's incredible talent ... All we can do is adapt the way we view [addiction], not as a crime or a romantic affectation but as a disease that will kill."

Amanda Platell concludes her article with the statement “When her friend said Amy never hurt anyone, it was far from true. She not only hurt herself, but every young woman who believes you can have a life of reckless indulgence without consequences.” I wonder if she knows the consequences of such an article.

Troublesome skin

Like many, I suffer from dry skin on my face and body if I don't moisturise pretty immediately after washing. However, recently I started suffering from hardened dry, tight skin on my face underneath my eyes, the edges of my nose leading down to the edges of my cheeks and at the bottom of my forehead. I did what most people would and exfoliated it and layered on the moisturiser however it wasn't getting any better. And so I examined what I was using. I am a bit of a cosmetic and skin care freak in that I LOVE getting new products but I too can not afford the nicest of brands and often, with make-up, with revert back to the cheap foundation that gives amazing thick coverage for a night out but perhaps is not the best for my skin. Even though I have MAC and Bobbi Brown foundations, I tend to go back to Rimmel Lasting Foundation which is cheap and doesn't fade. BUT I've seen the downside. Combined with a recent sun holiday and exfoliating too much, this has made my skin lifeless and sore.

So I went back to a brand I simply adore and wish I could afford to spend more on: Origins. From the smells to the packaging, I just love the way these products are branded and the way they really suit my skin. The customer service is always excellent too (OK I know they want to sell products) but you can sometimes find places are snooty and Origins is always very personable. I was listened to for a good 5-10 minutes and my skin was examined. I was given a thorough facial and various products were tried to see how my skin reacted. They listened to my skincare routine and pointed out where I was going wrong, and the salesman even recommended other brands for specific areas of dryness that he thought I could benefit from- he knew his stuff.

But I did what I often do- I succumbed to the charms but I have not looked back. In less than a week my skin is radiantly glowing! The dryness and stinging have disappeared and texture is smooth and clear.

 Twice a week now I exfoliate with Modern Friction 'Nature's gentle dermabrasion' but be careful- although this is excellent it STINGS YOUR EYES if you accidentally get any in which is normal.£29.

I then use Dr. Weil Mega Mushroom Skin Relief serum which is excellent at calming redness and any sensitive areas. It literally took the stinging sensation that I had been feeling away within seconds. The salesman described this as a skin primer. Two squirsts is enough. £46.

I then layer on a thin layer of Perfect World moisuriser which feels gorgeous on your skin and moisturises in really nicely. It smells really nice too which is a plus. £31. This can be used day or night although a night cream is probably more suitable (but pricey). They did give me some samples of their brand new night cream coming out though which was great.

However, each day to simply clean my face I use Tesco's Senstive Face Wash which is really light on my skin and doesn't irritate at all. And for 75p, who's complaining?

I Cake You

Girls, who fancies a Chanel handbag that smells and tastes like cake? I have the answer and I am so flipping impressed.

This is one of the cake creations from 'I Cake You' , the brainchild of Helene Turner. And if you think this is good- log on to Facebook to see more- literally a cake for ANY occasion. http://on.fb.me/rv35OF

Ralphy

Make-Up by Sophie

Being a Bedford girl, I love to check out new local services, especially in the beauty industry! And so I was delighted to come across 'Make-Up by Sophie' the newest make-up service by full qualified practitioner Sophie Rance. She is Bedford's newest expert on the hottest looks, best brands and she gives a great service. She is able to offer personalised make-up sessions for weddings, parties, proms or simply for you to learn more on how to achieve a good look. I caught up with Sophie to learn more:

Wow, Make-Up by Sophie looks great! What made you want to start up this business?

I decided to start the business after doing a make-up course at my local college. It is so rewarding getting paid for something I absolutely love doing!

I bet! Did you always want to do this or was it something that you stumbled across and found you enjoyed?

I've always had a strong interest in Beauty Therapy but after college I decided to go to University and study Business Studies. I enjoyed completing my degree but since then I have given in to my real passion and am really loving the new direction my career has taken.

What is it about doing other people's make-up that you enjoy?

There are no two faces the same and I love to experiment with different looks on different people. I love doing weddings; it's very rewarding helping a bride feel relaxed and beautiful on her special day. It's also great to see clients enjoying the luxury of having their make-up done, who doesn't need a good pampering every now and then?

What is your favourite 'look'?

I'm currently loving 1950s eyeliner flicks! It really depends on the occasion but I love experimenting with all kinds of looks. It's all about enhancing and celebrating natural beauty.

What are your plans for 'Make-Up by Sophie'?

I've recently been asked to join a local high-end hotel and spa in Bedford to provide my services to guests for weddings and special occasions but I am still offering my services privately too. I would love to be able to eventually have my own team of make-up artists working with me.


What make-up brands do you recommend and why?

I have recently discovered Bare Minerals. It is so lightweight and pure and yet it gives amazing coverage! For eye shadows MAC is a must and I swear by Clinique 3-step for skincare- the secret to flawless make-up application is a good canvas.


Thanks Sophie! To contact Sophie Rance of 'Make-Up by Sophie' call her on 07729340130 or email her at make-upbysophie@live.co.uk

Ralph...he's back.

Book review: The Tea Rose by Jennifer Donnelly

I don't know about you, but I was an avid reader growing up. However, you reach your later teens and you start going out and drinking and socialising more and more every night and reading kind of takes a back seat. I fell out of the habit and then went to Uni, went travelling and started working in a stressful job and I just read the off book here and there. However, I am really enjoying being back in the swing of reading one book after the other and one of my oldest and closest friends recently bought be a great one.

The Tea Rose is by Jennifer Donnelly, an author I was not aware of and was shocked when I read she was from the US as the book is based in the underworld of East London where Jack the Ripper is looming and the divide in social classes is worse than ever. It follows the life of Fiona Finnegan, the daughter of Irish immigrants, struggling to make ends meet. Most people are slaves to the tea industry and the large tea merchant that is controlling them is Burton Tea, run by a ruthless dictator with no sense of compassion for his workers. The book follows the social and economic struggle of Fiona and those around her but then the struggle to adapt to a new life she finds that is rich in luxuries... but not love.

The book is gripping and although slightly on the fairy-tale side, takes you on an emotional journey with visual description throughout. There is also two sequels to read: The Winter Rose and the newly released The Wild Rose.

Ralph

Ralph will make regular appearances.

Stansted Airport

My nearest airport is Luton however I planned to attend a wedding of a close friend from University and the flights to the City of Derry airport were from Stansted. Yesterday I drove there at half past 2 and got there at quarter to 4, my flight being at 4.50pm with Ryanair. Stansted airport is one of the BAA group, along with Heathrow, Glasgow, Aberdeen, Edinburgh and Southampton.

Ryanair makes you check in BEFORE you get to the airport, which is great if you have no baggage to put in, and so I proceeded straight to the security doors. HOWEVER... as I approached I saw a queue. Typical, I thought, a busy London airport and everything is going slowly. I didn't expect to turn a corner and see the queue continue down the length of the airport where I proceeded to join in disbelief. 'What's going on?' I asked the people around me. The response was a series of shrugs and a common shaking of heads amongst the fellow passengers, which turned into anticipation every time an annoucement began only to say that all flights have been suspended until further notice. No screens around and no information. I proceeded to go on to Twitter where I read that there had been a security breach and that all flights were suspended and the departure lounge had been evacuated. At least someone knew something and I informed those around me. 1 hour later and, after numerous updates from people on Twitter, we were told that the security area was now clear and 're-processing' would start. Almost immediately, airport staff shouted about priority boarding on 2 Ryanair flights to Germany and somewhere else. This gave me, and others, the indication that flights that would be boarding would be called and so people would have some idea of what was going on. I was wrong. For the next 2 hours the queue, which became most of the front of the airport, turned into what I would describe as like the front of a concert with barely any breathing space, incredible heat and no way in or out. It stretched for metres to both my right and left and there was no way of seeing the back or front. And this crowd had parents with young children, there were elderly people and those with disabilities yet NOTHING was done to help them whatsoever. We moved a couple of foot every 10 or 15 minutes which meant simply passing the front of an Accessorize store front took nearly an hour. No announcements apart from the irregular 'thank you for your cooperation' and still a reliance on simply people talking on Twitter- I even managed to befriend a couple of people who had 'Tweeted' me about their similar frustration who ended up standing very near to me. They had beers which was a small slice of luxury for them. I was stood in the middle of a large Spanish group of whom proceeded to shout every sentence they said- perhaps the fact I was on my own with no-one to really talk to made this all the more infuriating. Slowly as you reached the front of the crowd, it filtered into a single-file line where our boarding passes were checked by only TWO MEN!!!! (Think this crowd was around 1000 people). My boarding pass showed the 'green light' - which you would think meant everything was fine- and I joined the next queue to walk through security. I had already pre-packed my toilletries in clear plastic bags and all were under 100ml. I carefully placed my bag (which I had measured owing the the extreme emails you receive from Ryanair outlining that should these be more than 50cm in width you will get charged £40) and my jacket which I had removed and my two small sandwich bags of cosmetics. 'Are you travelling on your own?' I was asked. 'Yes' I replied. 'You can only have one bag of cosmetics then.' Anger bubbled up inside me and I felt my face get hot. I proceeded to argue/ whine so much about how it weighed less than a letter, I had queued for 3 hours, I had packaged them myself, etc...that the security man simply said 'OK go on through.' I breathed a sigh of relief and walked through the scanner which did not beep which was nice. I saw my new Twitter friend as she walked through and we both laughed weakly about our experience so far. As she picked up her bag I realised mine was not there. I could see it, though, sat in a different section. It had been moved to the area to be checked again. Great. What was the problem? I had two clear bags of toilletries. A kind young guy helped me distribute them into an 'airport bag' (I couldn't see a difference) and stuffed into one bag which didn't even shut. Fine.



I was through! I could see the bar glistening- I was going to treat myself to a gin and tonic as I knew my flight would probably have been delayed for a couple of hours and so I thought I'd buy myself Look magazine and chill out. Perhaps I'd meet back up with my Twitter friend and her pals for a drink and a venting session over the trauma we had been through. I walked up to the screens, where countless faces were peering up to, and frowned. Where was my flight? It wasn't even listed. The 16.50 Ryanair flight wasn't listed....something was up. I looked around and, of course, there is no information desk or any sign of someone working at the airport. I spot two policemen who tell me there is no-one really to ask but to keep an eye on the screens as soon it would come up. The time is now 7pm. I sat there for 10 minutes feeling very confused and proceeded to try and find someone to help. I walked around aimlessly for a few minutes and found a woman in a high-vis jacket trying to help a group of people. I walked over and waited patiently for her to become free to which she proceeded to try and walk off but I quickly ran in front of her. I asked her politely why my flight was not listed. 'If it's not listed it's gone' she answered. I started to panic and asked her how could it have gone? We've all been stuck in a crowd that didn't move, there were no announcements?? 'We're a no-announcement policy airport I'm afraid.' Where you may have read in books about how you can literally feel 'blood boil' is exactly how I then began to feel. It took all the energy in the world to not grab this lady by the head and shake her. Instead, I did the typical thing. I burst into tears.

As the woman walked off I walked aimlessly over to a chair and collapsed down on it. People looked over at me with odd expressions as I smeared my mascara further and further over my face with tears streaming down. When calmer I walked over to another airport worker where I tried to beg for help but simply sobbed again. He pointed to a desk and told me to go over there. I walked over and was told to wait where a lady would take me, and others, back through to the main part of the airport where we could speak to the Ryanair helpdesk. In disbelief, we followed her on a long walk around the departure lounge, through some security doors and then found ourselves at baggage reclaim where we walked through 'Nothing to declare' (although I wanted to declare that I was ready to hurt everyone at the airport) and I was back at the start. A friendly Irishman bantered with me about how ridiculous it was and I followed him silently to the desk. But....the queue for the helpdesk was 2 hours long. Because they do not do announcements.

I couldn't do it. I walked to the bar, bought two bottles of Peroni and downed them. I looked on the internet to find flights to Belfast from Stansted and all showed a price of over £200. I sighed, called the bride and explained then called my boyfriend and he picked me up. While I should have been drinking champagne and listening to comical speeches at this moment of time, I am sat writing this blog.