Three Times a Bridesmaid...

If you ask the regular person in the street to explain why marriage is important, you would probably be shocked as to what you hear. Or perhaps you won’t. I have tried it with various people, usually those in their 20s who are contemplating the decision. In my experience, people tend to say it is something they would like to do because it is traditional, because they get to become husband and wife (or life partners) in front of friends and family and that they receive lots of presents (usually said with a giggle but this is no joke.) There is never really talk about entering a life-long union through better or worse and that although life will inevitably throw them challenges, together they will work at getting through them. Although maybe they can be forgiven for not thinking this as perhaps marriage is not what it used to be.

My views on marriage are quite blurred. I have never really been someone who has dreamt of their perfect wedding and pictured the white dress and hundreds of guests (apart from whilst watching Father of the Bride or a similar Hollywood take on the perfect day), however I have always known that I want to eventually meet the right person and join with them through marriage in the traditional way. Perhaps this is because my parents married yet in a low key and personal ceremony, perhaps it’s because part of me likes the idea of following the traditional route of falling in love, joining together and starting a family with the intention of it being for life. However, whether it is owing to my upbringing, I have always seen marriage as a deeply personal experience but one that should be understated and based around your identity as people and as a couple. It is a union that should be celebrated for the right reasons with a view that this will be for life. Archaic as it sounds and although I am not religious, I feel in recent times, marriage has lost the respect it deserves, it’s traditional, social and often religious meaning and young people are not educated appropriately on the decision or the act. I also strongly feel that it has become a declaration of status for quite superficial reasons and a day that is now organised by the woman which has become widely accepted.

However, this blog is now going to turn into a celebration of three friends who have taken the step into marriage and honoured me by asking me to be a part of a very special day- something I am truly thankful for.

On July 30th this year I was bridesmaid for the third year in a row and I came away feeling it was one of the nicest weddings I had been to-I have known the bride for almost 25 years and the couple had been together for over 10 years. The day had that lovely feel where you knew it was a milestone in their strong relationship and a union  we were able to witness that we knew meant everything but would not change a thing between them. It took place in a gorgeous renovated barn in a top hotel and the whole day was relaxed and enjoyable with a fantastic range of guests and friends.

The second time I was bridesmaid was for a newer but very close friend who I see regularly and love her company. I also get on very well with her husband and find them both a great couple. This wedding was probably the longest for planning but it paid off as the day ran smoothly and was a testament to the work put in by the families and couple. It was also nice to see the results of many months of excitement by the bride and she looked beautiful. It even incorporated the first England game in the 2010 World Cup which worried them first but added a fun element to the day as guests were able to wander outside in the Sun and catch moments on the widescreen television in the lovely courtyard!  Once again, I was blessed with sharing bridesmaid duties with another two lovely girls and the ceremony and reception really brought two sets of families and friends together. They are now expecting their first child and are very excited.

The first time I was bridesmaid it was for a close school friend who had asked me because I meant a lot to her and we talked and celebrated at length about the decision and the prospect. She was completely in love with her husband-to-be and she made the decision about the kind of wedding she wanted to have. She then planned and saved and paid for the day and it was special and romantic. I was present for a dress fitting and had my hair and make-up done on the day and we all drank champagne and reminisced before the ceremony. They also had a new-born son who was able to be part of the day and it felt like we were at the start of something very special and a union that would last a lifetime. Unlike the other weddings I have been a bridesmaid for, this one had most of my close school friends in attendance and so it was a great excuse for us all to have a good day together again. The couple sacrificed a honeymoon for logistical and financial reasons but have now moved to Brunei for 3 years and are going to make the most of their adventure on the other side of the world.

My friends know my views on marriage and although I like to pretend it’s not for me, perhaps I have been converted? Whether I spend thousands of pounds or simply have a low-key party, I just hope I achieve the sense of specialness and happiness that I have witnessed with my three friends.